is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
