I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
