who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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