i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
