We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Do vagina's smell?
I checked into jail on foursquare
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
