I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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