you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
