god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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