dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I did not marry a roomba.
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