im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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