Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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