I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
