hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
