Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
