dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
