I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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