hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
