Say something about gay babies.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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