Ketchup is God's man juice
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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