The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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