What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
