Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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