You made me cry and you don't even care
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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