Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
