he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
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i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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