My first STD was from a foam party
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We need to get me chipped asap
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
