Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
