Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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