i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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