guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
