You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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