She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
