This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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