she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
