i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
