I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
