how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You brought string cheese to the strip club
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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