Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
