What did we do last night that was yellow?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
