I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
