Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
