Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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