Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
