I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
