No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Randomize
