Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize