I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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