i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
