Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
