Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
