Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
