Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
