I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
