Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Randomize
