you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
