cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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