i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
