No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
