He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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