i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
