apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
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