I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
