he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
