I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
