just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
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Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
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It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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