You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
