I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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