i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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