Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
