I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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