shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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